When All Else Fails...

When all else fails, do the thing you're afraid of.

Okay, let me back up. The thing I'm afraid of, apparently, is writing a bad screenplay. I already resolved to write it (as bad as it needed to be to get done), then re-write it to make it good. I took the bad part out of the equation. I set a firm deadline for when I wanted a draft done (by the time I leave for SDCC) and set about writing. I made some strong progress up front, slowed, and then... Well, I haven't written anything on the screenplay since late last Wednesday.

Really? A week off with two weeks to go and two thirds to write? Good plan, jerkface.

I wasn't happy with what I was writing. I had written ten pages of manuscript that I somehow slogged through, hating nearly everything I typed. But I was moving forward. And then... I dunno. I let myself get caught up in editing, distractions, and being lazy (watching the entire season of a TV show I found out about on Monday night for example).

Tonight I was frustrated by the fact that I was spending another night in front of the TV instead of writing, and was angry about it but not enough to stare at the screen and type a few words. So I stopped the TV, walked into the bathroom, and did 95% of what I was afraid of.

If you'll recall, I added a little punishment to my deadline for the screenplay. Namely, shaving myself baby-faced smooth right before Comic-Con if I didn't get a first draft done. And I realized, sitting there watching TV, that I had thought more about the threat of being shorn and looking young than I had writing. And that goes for pretty much every day for the last week. Not to say I've been focused on grooming, but it should tell you how much I haven't been writing.

So I walked into the bathroom, grabbed the beard trimmer, put on the smallest guard/length attachment, and shaved myself down as far as it goes. A little bit left so I'd have something solid in a week's time if I earn it, but enough gone so that I had a pretty good preview of what I'd be missing if I didn't get my shit handled and finish on time.

For the record, I hate not having a beard (or goatee). Mainly because I hate how I look when I walk in front of a mirror without one. People don't care, and I don't care what people think, but I know not finishing and shaving means I'll suffer through a show without the armor that being a man who can grow a beard gives.

So I did it. Shaved it off, saw what's waiting for me in 6 days time if I fuck up. And I still don't know if I'll write anything tonight...

Things I'm Enjoying on a Wednesday

In lieu of updates (been busy), I figured I'd just let you know what I was enjoying today.

- Lethal Weapon script by Shane Black

- Party Down (via Netflix Instant), as recommended by Erik Tillmans. How did I not know that Paul Rudd, quite possibly the greatest actor of this or any generation, was involved in this?

- Bruises and Black Eyes - Lee Bermejo's blog, and quite possibly my favorite pro blog on the Internets. Of course, I have a major man crush on Lee, so...

And, you know, life... Dodgeball later, I'll post some stuff this week. Writing has been non-existent, but I'll push that boulder up the hill soon enough.

TGIM - The Most Powerful Mantra

Before I start, let me just post a bit of a disclaimer. I have no idea if I even believe the title of this post. I seem to get myself into a positive state more by looking at the post-it on my wall that says "It's Always On." more than I find myself repeating this. But I digress...

I guess I find myself talking a lot about self-help/self-improvement of late. In the face of daunting tasks, negative ideas, and general conflict, it helps me to fall back on something I've already learned. It gives me a strategy for dealing with my days. But that's where the brilliance of this particular mantra comes into play.

"Whatever happens to me, given any situation, I'll handle it."

Think about that for a minute. Think of all the bad things that have happened in your life. Death of a loved one, getting mugged, getting dumped, losing your job, humiliation, defeat, etc. And yet, if you're reading this, you've handled it. You've made it through the other side. Every single thing that's been thrown at you in your life, you've dealt with and overcome. I first heard this when reading Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, a pretty fantastic book by Dr. Susan Jeffers.

I haven't had a particularly good year. In the past 7 months I lost my job, broke my thumb, watched my bank account dwindle to nothing, had to make a lot of sacrifices (several of which I would imagine have weakened some friendships), and to top it off I haven't been dating. Sounds bad enough, but when you add in that I've taken 5 and 3-week stints off from drinking, as well as not hanging out at bars... I don't know how I made it through either.

But this mantra, and the knowledge of its simple truth in the back of my head, has helped to keep me on the path. When things go bad I'm not immune to reacting negatively. But more often than not, I can pause, consider, and then remind myself that whatever happens, I'll handle it.

And handle it I have. I'm still here. I'm happy more often than not (if busy all the time). And I'm finally in a position where I'm pursuing my dream full-time. I'm not getting paid full-time to pursue said dream, but I've placed myself in the position for that to become a reality.

When the world spins out of control, when it feels like nothing will ever be right again, you could do worse than to remind yourself of this mantra. And for those sick of self-help stuff, I promise I'll talk about writing or movies or comics this week.

How to Handle a Missed Deadline

In the five years I spent at Top Cow, and even the ensuing months entering the freelance world whilst straddling both sides of the desk, I've seen almost everything. No, no one ever pulled a fast one like fake tracking numbers or empty boxes, but I've heard the entire gamut when it comes to excuses for why things don't coincide with the initially agreed upon deadlines.

One of the things I've been careful to remember, and hopefully succeeding in doing, is that as a freelancer you are your brand. Your company is you, represented not only by your work, but by your actions. On your personal projects you can screw up as much as you want. You're the only one that suffers. When you're working for someone else, there are no excuses.

And yet, things happen. You mess up, a crisis can't be averted, etc. Read this article tonight about how to handle missed deadlines, and I think plenty of comic PROFESSIONALS and freelancers in other industries would be wise to brush up on their client-freelancer etiquette in the event they find themselves missing a deadline for any reason.

Sometimes just these simple acts go a long way.

How to Handle a Missed Deadline (via FreelanceSwitch)

Stuck in a Rut

8 pages today, most of which were written after 12:30am (Wednesday). I'm not sure I like anything I've written in the last 10 pages, largely because it feels like filler.

Part of it's that I only did a beat sheet for the story (clocking in at 7 pages), but not a treatment. I don't know what my winning formula to an ace screenplay is since I haven't finished one. But I was tired of planning and not taking action, so I went for it. There's always more to research, plot out, or another book on writing to read before you start. The goal isn't to make it great. Not yet.

The goal is to get something on paper, revise, and then make it great. Still, I feel like I'm in a rut. I knew Act 1, really well in fact. That's the reason Saturday was so productive, and I got the remainder of it out on Sunday. I know some of where Act 2 goes, but it's way more broadstrokes until I reach the midpoint. And getting there, well... It's going slowly. I don't like the scenes I've done, and I keep wanting to go back and revise. But except for tweaking a few lines each time I start a new day, I'm not going back.

I just have to get to the midpoint, then I'm taken care of until the last 10-12 pages which will need some blocking out. I could also easily skip where I'm at right now and start from where I know exactly how things play out, but that seems anti-process. Part of me wants to spend tomorrow writing a treatment so I can follow it to a T for this draft, but I know while it's a good move, it's a day (or more if I stall out there) lost. That could be 10-30 pages I don't get written (or 2). So for now, I soldier on, trying to make it all sing.

The other part is that the recent batch of scenes either don't do much with character (outside of introducing a B storyline) or enough with plot. I don't know the dramatic need of each scene, and so it feels kind of pointless. I'm trying to approach each one with a goal in mind, but some just feel like they need to be there so I'm getting them out. But they're not essential in their current forms, which is slowing me down. I guess I'm terrified of writing 65 pages, rather than 140 and then trimming.

Keeping the end goal in sight, not to mention the threat of a shorn face, really does work though. I've been upset that I haven't had time to do much work this week because editing gigs have gotten in the way, but it makes me value the time I do spend writing that much more. And even if I don't love (or even slightly like) what's coming out, it's flowing and I'm not wasting time. So yeah, small favors and all that.

I'm up through page 34 for anyone keeping track at home.

A Price to Pay

I shaved my head on June 1 and made myself a promise. I wouldn't cut my hair until I finished a screenplay (or a novel). That's not that big a deal, just a minor inconvenience and potentially a long term hindrance.

In light of getting trapped doing other things today and not making any progress (though I'm not asleep yet) on the screenplay, I've had another idea. If I don't finish my screenplay by the time I hit the road to San Diego, I'm shaving.

I've been sporting some form of beard since just before Comic-Con in 2005 I think. I went down to a mustache once for a dodgeball event, but that was a minimum. It's been goatee, beard, or stubble every day. I don't believe in men who can't grow beards.

So here's the thing. I look like I'm about 13 years old (maybe 12) sans facial hair. San Diego is a big networking opportunity for me. I take meetings, I do signings, and I sit on panels. Plus I hob knob. And doing that without facial hair of any kind scares the shit out of me. I don't want to look like a clean-shaven baby.

So that's been added to the quest. You heard it here first. No screenplay, no facial hair at San Diego.

EDIT: Managed almost 3 pages tonight. Will do at least triple that tomorrow, and hopefully I'll like some of it. Tonight's work felt kind of "meh," and I'm not sure two of the shorter scenes really did anything to push the story.

TGIM - Setting Goals

I wrote part of a screenplay once. 51 pages across two night. I came home from a birthday party (not mine), sat down at the computer and got it out of my system. Wrote a little more the next day and then never touched it again. For years I thought it was lost as I was unable to remember any of the possible names (it was Untitled) and couldn't remember any terms to search for within the document. This weekend I found it.

It's more of a relic of who I was and what I was interested in writing at the time than it is something I'll ever get back to. Some of the themes are things I still play with in my current work, so it's not completely abandoned. But what's crazy about it is that it's the longest screenplay I've ever written, even in its incomplete form.

If you didn't know (and I do believe I've mentioned here), I've never finished a screenplay. Outside of the last 6 months, I didn't spend much time writing over the last five years. I had work, school, and other things to occupy my time. Writing was always something I'd "get to." And yet the longest thing I'd written for one particular medium happened on a lark, with no planning or foresight.

It's an anomaly more than anything. You really do have to set goals or things get put off. "Tomorrow." "Soon." "Not right now." Sometimes it's healthy to delay things. Other times it gets in the way of ever getting anything done. My goal is to be a working writer who only has to write to pay his bills. I'm not there yet, and part of the reason is because of my track record, part is skill, and the other is that I don't have enough completed work to offer up as samples.

I've been working on LYP since the final day of 2008, but I've been scared. Scared I couldn't finish it. Scared it wouldn't be good. I've pushed back my personal deadlines for a first draft numerous times. I had them before I got laid off, and that gave me more free time than I was anticipating. But I missed the first date, and hadn't written a page. Eventually I got the story completely broken down. And for weeks (or perhaps months) I didn't write a thing.

On June 3rd I wrote the first three pages of my screenplay, hoping that I'd tear through it in June and get a draft done by the end of 2009's first half. But I didn't touch it again. Not until this past weekend.

On Friday I went for a walk, listening to Jack Canfield's The Success Principles for the second time in as many weeks. My biggest takeaway from the program is the idea of setting goals. They don't have to be realistic. In fact, they should be grandiose and outside of your reality. A goal that's as simple as, "to pay my bills," will probably get met. "Make $100,000 this year," is a little loftier, but no less achievable if it's the goal you're striving toward. There's a line in the book that illustrates this point:

"If you give your mind a $10,000 problem, it will come up with a $10,000 solution. If you give your mind a $1 million problem, it will come up with a $1 million dollar solution."

Setting goals and visualizing them as completed actually does work. Case in point, I resolved to get my screenplay done. Not only to get it done, but to get it done by San Diego Comic-Con so it was one less thing I had to worry about at the show. Hell, that's a good three weeks or so out. And Bryan Hill is planning to have two screenplays done in that time. Surely I can manage to complete one.

The first thing I did was give myself permission to make it bad. I'm striving for good, but even the worst screenplay ever written is finished. And it's not going to come out of the oven perfect. I'll get some notes, do another draft, and see where it lands. Rinse and repeat until it's to a point where I'm happy with it. By giving myself that permission, by freeing myself from the monster that is perfection, I finally felt like I could work on it.

On Saturday I wrote 18 pages. On Sunday, in limited time before heading to a barbecue and a concert, 3.5. In 48 hours, with plenty of time for relaxation and socializing, I managed to write more than 7x what I had done in the previous 6 months.

Set a goal. Believe. Achieve.

If I sound like a cheesy self-help salesman, it's because I am. When I discovered self-help/self-improvement two years ago, I thought it was lame. I was a guy who didn't need help. I was a man, dammit. We don't ask for directions and we don't need help. But I gave it a chance and let it transform my life. It helped me get over a rough patch personally, and there hasn't been a single thing in my professional life I've been unable to deal with. And while I had dealt with everything that had happened in my life before taking initiative, now I do it in stride. Knock it, use it, whatever. Everyone finds their own path. If it helps you achieve your goals, at the end of the day that's all that matters.

***

Recommended Reading:

The Success Principles by Jack Canfield

The Science of Self-Confidence by Brian Tracy

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Pretty much anything by Anthony Robbins or from Nightingale Conant